bittyblueeyes:

commanderfantasy:

avocado-mami:

Saw this today at the local bookstore

Ow ow ow ow ow

I’ve always wished for someone to tell me this. What’s sad
is that even if someone did, it’s doubtful I’d ever believe them. When I was a
kid, my extended family (aunts, uncles, grandmother) used to all tease about
how talkative I could be. I got nicknames like Chatty Cathy and Motor Mouth and
Lips. I’d hear, “Put a cork in it. My ears are getting tired.” It was meant to
be funny, but I felt like the joke.

When I was about 11 or 12, I stopped talking around extended
family for close to a year, only short answers when directly spoken to. NO. ONE. NOTICED. And I was still addressed by my nicknames. I realized
then that nothing I said had ever mattered. Whatever I was passionate about,
whatever interested me, wasn’t worth mentioning because I was the only one that
cared. I love my family and I know they love me. They’ll never know what their
playful teasing did.

Because I still question. I rarely talk to people. I
search people during conversation for clues that they might be disinterested
and chastise myself for days if I feel like I’ve talked too much. I realize I
overreact and likely see disinterest and annoyance when there isn’t any. But
then someone will interrupt and talk over me and with my sentence unfinished, I
can fade away and no one will remember that I had been saying something.

It can be irritating when people talk a lot and kids’
passionate ramblings can make little sense and be exhausting with how long they
can go on. Just be careful how you handle it. Don’t ever let someone think that
you don’t care about what they say. If you have had enough of a conversation,
cut it off kindly and make sure that person knows that it’s not because you don’t
care.

Otherwise they could end up like me…

who agonized over whether or not to post this.

In the end, I decided it was okay because likely no one will care enough to read
it anyway.

raychillster:

i know there were a few people and experiences that led you to have low self-esteem. i know that through these experiences you kept meeting more and more of the same heartaches because you didn’t know you deserved better. you didn’t know what this “better” should, could, or would be. i pray that you fight for your right to love yourself. one day you’ll speak up clearly, you’ll feel confident, you’ll stand up straight, you’ll wear what you want, you’ll learn to say NO and you won’t take shit from anyone anymore. one day you’ll be able to clearly see what better looks like. and you’ll smile because everything and everyone in your life is better for you, because of you.

maddigzlz:

I drew this comic last year for the New Frontiers anthology. It’s very intensely personal– but I’m glad I got an excuse to make a piece about these struggles.

The grandmother I mentioned in this comic passed away in December last year. I started this year with her funeral, visiting her house in Brownsville, a city in the Rio Grande Valley: my home by the border. I hold on to a lot of pieces of her life now. I wear her wooden prayer bracelets, I slip my hands into her gloves.

I hope get the hang of the language someday.

angietumblz:

sketchy-scribs-n-doods:

ciiriianan:

sadoeuphemist:

writing-prompt-s:

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Arepo built a temple in his field, a humble thing, some stones stacked up to make a cairn, and two days later a god moved in.

“Hope you’re a harvest god,” Arepo said, and set up an altar and burnt two stalks of wheat. “It’d be nice, you know.” He looked down at the ash smeared on the stone, the rocks all laid askew, and coughed and scratched his head. “I know it’s not much,” he said, his straw hat in his hands. “But – I’ll do what I can. It’d be nice to think there’s a god looking after me.”

The next day he left a pair of figs, the day after that he spent ten minutes of his morning seated by the temple in prayer. On the third day, the god spoke up.

“You should go to a temple in the city,” the god said. Its voice was like the rustling of the wheat, like the squeaks of fieldmice running through the grass. “A real temple. A good one. Get some real gods to bless you. I’m no one much myself, but I might be able to put in a good word?” It plucked a leaf from a tree and sighed. “I mean, not to be rude. I like this temple. It’s cozy enough. The worship’s been nice. But you can’t honestly believe that any of this is going to bring you anything.”

“This is more than I was expecting when I built it,” Arepo said, laying down his scythe and lowering himself to the ground. “Tell me, what sort of god are you anyway?”

“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said. “The worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth. I’m a god of a dozen different nothings, scraps that lead to rot, momentary glimpses. A change in the air, and then it’s gone.”

The god heaved another sigh. “There’s no point in worship in that, not like War, or the Harvest, or the Storm. Save your prayers for the things beyond your control, good farmer. You’re so tiny in the world. So vulnerable. Best to pray to a greater thing than me.”

Arepo plucked a stalk of wheat and flattened it between his teeth. “I like this sort of worship fine,” he said. “So if you don’t mind, I think I’ll continue.”

“Do what you will,” said the god, and withdrew deeper into the stones. “But don’t say I never warned you otherwise.”

Arepo would say a prayer before the morning’s work, and he and the god contemplated the trees in silence. Days passed like that, and weeks, and then the Storm rolled in, black and bold and blustering. It flooded Arepo’s fields, shook the tiles from his roof, smote his olive tree and set it to cinder. The next day, Arepo and his sons walked among the wheat, salvaging what they could. The little temple had been strewn across the field, and so when the work was done for the day, Arepo gathered the stones and pieced them back together.

“Useless work,” the god whispered, but came creeping back inside the temple regardless. “There wasn’t a thing I could do to spare you this.”

“We’ll be fine,” Arepo said. “The storm’s blown over. We’ll rebuild. Don’t have much of an offering for today,” he said, and laid down some ruined wheat, “but I think I’ll shore up this thing’s foundations tomorrow, how about that?” 

The god rattled around in the temple and sighed.

A year passed, and then another. The temple had layered walls of stones, a roof of woven twigs. Arepo’s neighbors chuckled as they passed it. Some of their children left fruit and flowers. And then the Harvest failed, the gods withdrew their bounty. In Arepo’s field the wheat sprouted thin and brittle. People wailed and tore their robes, slaughtered lambs and spilled their blood, looked upon the ground with haunted eyes and went to bed hungry. Arepo came and sat by the temple, the flowers wilted now, the fruit shriveled nubs, Arepo’s ribs showing through his chest, his hands still shaking, and murmured out a prayer. 

“There is nothing here for you,” said the god, hudding in the dark. “There is nothing I can do. There is nothing to be done.” It shivered, and spat out its words. “What is this temple but another burden to you?”

“We -” Arepo said, and his voice wavered. “So it’s a lean year,” he said. “We’ve gone through this before, we’ll get through this again. So we’re hungry,” he said. “We’ve still got each other, don’t we? And a lot of people prayed to other gods, but it didn’t protect them from this. No,” he said, and shook his head, and laid down some shriveled weeds on the altar. “No, I think I like our arrangement fine.”

“There will come worse,” said the god, from the hollows of the stone. “And there will be nothing I can do to save you.”

The years passed. Arepo rested a wrinkled hand upon the temple of stone and some days spent an hour there, lost in contemplation with the god.

And one fateful day, from across the wine-dark seas, came War.

Arepo came stumbling to his temple now, his hand pressed against his gut, anointing the holy site with his blood. Behind him, his wheat fields burned, and the bones burned black in them. He came crawling on his knees to a temple of hewed stone, and the god rushed out to meet him.

“I could not save them,” said the god, its voice a low wail. “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.” The leaves fell burning from the trees, a soft slow rain of ash. “I have done nothing! All these years, and I have done nothing for you!”

“Shush,” Arepo said, tasting his own blood, his vision blurring. He propped himself up against the temple, forehead pressed against the stone in prayer. “Tell me,” he mumbled. “Tell me again. What sort of god are you?”

“I -” said the god, and reached out, cradling Arepo’s head, and closed its eyes and spoke.

“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said, and conjured up the image of them. “The worms that churn beneath the
earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost
before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath
your teeth.” Arepo’s lips parted in a smile.

“I am the god of a dozen different nothings,” it said. “The petals in bloom that lead to
rot, the momentary glimpses. A change in the air -” Its voice broke, and it wept. “Before it’s gone.”

“Beautiful,” Arepo said, his blood staining the stones, seeping into the earth. “All of them. They were all so beautiful.”

And as the fields burned and the smoke blotted out the sun, as men were trodden in the press and bloody War raged on, as the heavens let loose their wrath upon the earth, Arepo the sower lay down in his humble temple, his head sheltered by the stones, and returned home to his god.

Sora found the temple with the bones within it, the roof falling in upon them.

“Oh, poor god,” she said, “With no-one to bury your last priest.” Then she paused, because she was from far away. “Or is this how the dead are honored here?” The god roused from its contemplation.

“His name was Arepo,” it said, “He was a sower.”

Sora startled, a little, because she had never before heard the voice of a god. “How can I honor him?” She asked.

“Bury him,” the god said, “Beneath my altar.”

“All right,” Sora said, and went to fetch her shovel.

“Wait,” the god said when she got back and began collecting the bones from among the broken twigs and fallen leaves. She laid them out on a roll of undyed wool, the only cloth she had. “Wait,” the god said, “I cannot do anything for you. I am not a god of anything useful.”

Sora sat back on her heels and looked at the altar to listen to the god.

“When the Storm came and destroyed his wheat, I could not save it,” the god said, “When the Harvest failed and he was hungry, I could not feed him. When War came,” the god’s voice faltered. “When War came, I could not protect him. He came bleeding from the battle to die in my arms.” Sora looked down again at the bones.

“I think you are the god of something very useful,” she said.

“What?” the god asked.

Sora carefully lifted the skull onto the cloth. “You are the god of Arepo.”

Ages later, a book of words and meaning can be found among the dust of a quiet temple. It is opened upon a page, one particular entry illuminated by the fickle light of the morning sun.

The faded text reads:

A•re•po

noun

a word used to describe a dozen different nothings, momentary glimpses, a change in the air that soon disappears

ex: the fallen leaves, the worms that churn beneath the earth, the boundary of forest and of field, the first hint of frost before the first snow falls, the skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth

The soft sunlight shifts, moving on, and the passage is gone. 

A forgotten arepo.

Well I’m crying now.