John Mulaney was accidentally made immortal in the early 20th century by a witch named Petunia who later turned herself into a dog by accident and John takes it upon himself to care for her to his annoyance because she promised him she’d reverse the spell on his immortality one day
this is… maybe the funniest thing that’s ever happened on television? i’ve never seen someone so thoroughly derail a late night talk show, i could honestly watch cardi b and john mulaney talk for hours
ok don’t get me wrong the ‘salt and pepper diner’ bit is hysterical, but john mulaney has so many more hilarious stories that no one seems to talk about:
•the party at the house of the teacher that everyone hated
•the dog trainer
•meeting bill clinton
•“hUSH!”
•“-too old to be a duckling, quack, quack!”
•“eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”
•literally any story involving his parents (especially the black coffee one)
just please, do yourselves a favor, don’t just stop at ‘salt and pepper diner’, listen to all this guy’s stories because they are gold
Don’t forget
– sometimes I get nervous on airplanes
– Delta Airlines / The I Love My Girlfriend
– “I just wanna sit here and feed my birds”
– JOHN that bathroom’s been closed for FOURTY YEARS!
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