John Mulaney was accidentally made immortal in the early 20th century by a witch named Petunia who later turned herself into a dog by accident and John takes it upon himself to care for her to his annoyance because she promised him she’d reverse the spell on his immortality one day
i’m still PISSED about harry potter leaving draco to die because “oh boo hoo there aren’t enough seats in this minivan someone has to stay behind” like you fool. you fucking fool. i’ve ridden to walmart and back in an 11-person shuttle seating 17 people just bc i didn’t wanna wait to get some skim milk. are you really telling me that you couldn’t put a dude in the trunk for the sake of getting away from a collapsing island? you worried about not having enough seat belts??? people died bc of your poor minivan management skills, harry
i drafted this in a blind rage immediately upon waking up today and i may have misremembered some plot points of the Harry Potter series
i like the lizards, that would eventually become turtles, right before they became turtles, because they were basically a fucked up Bone Sphere with a lizard awkwardly wrapped around it
amazing
me after finishing up the leftover spaghetti and meatsauce