A young traveller and his two companions had reached a great city. Stopped by guards, all three were taken to the city’s palace. The old king was a madman, but could see that the traveler was a true warrior.
“Throw them a feast!”, he ordered, and it was done.
While the traveller ate, the king looked down upon him, and concluded that he was indeed a hero above all others. To test him, however, the king would have to put him through three trials. When the traveller refused this, the king grew cross and took his companions captive until he complied.
First, the boy had to fetch a golden key from beneath a waterfall. The boy succeeded, but when he requested that the king to set his friends free, he refused.
The second task was to find the king’s hare. The boy, thinking this easy enough, found a small hare without any interference. Suddenly, a beast came into view, and charged at the boy, startling the hare and sending it off into a panicked sprint. They boy chased the hare until in escaped into a hole in the wall, and was left cornered by the charging beast. It was only then that the boy realized– the beast was a large hare itself! The giant hare’s manner instantly changed to that of a mild pet’s, and the boy returned it to the king.
“I am ready for the next challenge,” he announced.
For the third task, the king pointed to his right side, where stood a wicked looking man with an iron claw and a scythe, and then to his left, where stood a large warrior with an axe.
“Your final test is a duel,” explained the king. “You may choose your opponent.”
The boy looked from the metal armed man to the the giant, and made his decision.
“I choose you!” he declared, pointing to the feeble old king.
The king’s eyes widened, then fell into a grin.
“Wrong choice.”
The king threw off his robes, and he was fuckin ripped son,,
so anyway that’s the plot of the 5th episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender
Justin:Griffin’s just sitting at the end… juggling–fushigi-ing two glass balls in super tight pants, just waiting for his kid delivery.
Griffin: [dismissively] Well, they’d–
Justin:Once he, bests his minions.
Griffin:–they would be Pokeballs, and also it’s not a kid delivery, this’n–there’s no fuckin’ guarentee that a kid that comes [intense] INTO THE BEGINNING of my crucible… makes it to the END of it undefeated. [beat, stammering] In fact, I–I’d say–I’m gonna pack–I’m gonna stack this gym! With fuckin’ PROS. I-It’s gonna–It’s going to be… It’s–It’s gonna be brutal. It’s going to be a torture chamber.
Travis:What–well, what’s the theme? What’s the theme, are you like–is it a Bug theme, is it–
Griffin: [thickest, most annoyed sarcasm imaginable] YEAH TRAVIS, UH, UH, UH, UUUHYEAH TRAV! I’M GONNA OPEN UP A ~Bug-type~ Pokemon gym! You idiot! Yeah, that’s what I want, because I want to give out–I wanna–I wanna shit out badges for every… ham and egger that comes to my front door!
Justin: [laughing]
Griffin: Yeah, that’s right Travis! [doofus voice] “Go, Caterpie!” [normally] That’s me, you fucking imbecile. [bad Justin Roiland impression] “Yeuh go… do your best, Kakuna!” [normally, smile in voice] What are you fucking talki–?! Yeah, Bug-type gym.
Justin: …maybe Fire? Fire-type, could you do Fire-type?
Travis:Fire-based? Make it a–
Griffin: Yeah, yeah, I’ll probably just… that’s a good idea Justin, I’ll probably just do a Fire-type one, so that [angry screaming] ONE KID WITH ONE BLASTOISE CAN FUCK UP MY WHOLE SHOP.
Justin: [laughing quietly]
Griffin:Killed all of us with one Blastoise, huh? Wow, shit, I shoulda…
Justin: Yeah, I don’t–
Travis: Just do Rock, then! Just do Rock-type!
Griffin: [voice dripping with malice] …the same Blastoise,
there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”
Izzie’s tumblr archive 