Tag: lmao

rockmymaninoff:

sasgalula:

2srooky:

beach-bummer-jellyfish:

ok don’t get me wrong the ‘salt and pepper diner’ bit is hysterical, but john mulaney has so many more hilarious stories that no one seems to talk about:

•the party at the house of the teacher that everyone hated

•the dog trainer

•meeting bill clinton

•“hUSH!”

•“-too old to be a duckling, quack, quack!”

•“eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”

•literally any story involving his parents (especially the black coffee one)

just please, do yourselves a favor, don’t just stop at ‘salt and pepper diner’, listen to all this guy’s stories because they are gold

Don’t forget

– sometimes I get nervous on airplanes

– Delta Airlines / The I Love My Girlfriend

– “I just wanna sit here and feed my birds”

– JOHN that bathroom’s been closed for FOURTY YEARS!

– the Lawyer Parents stories

@coolguyfrenchfry @anxiety-is-my-middle-nam

this is missing the best one

“‘I JUST HEARD THAT PRINCESS DIANA AND HER LOVER, DODI AL FAYED, WERE KILLED IN LONDON.’ like i had something to do with it???”

trainergold:

some-bread:

since everyone is posting their fav fesh pince part heres mine

mm mmMM

look i  think i know how to help will. we’ve gotta AttaCK ‘im,

*walks over*

SHESH SHESH SHESH SHESH *POWERS UP* SHEkESH

*cries* *audience laughs*

(aAaWwwww AAa Awwwwww)

WOIYOIYAYAYAEOU WEEO doodadadEEeeEEeeEEeeEEEE

*audience laughs uprariously*

I WAS MINDIN MY DAMN BUSINESS EATIN SOME DAMN FRUIT bababababababaBAba babababababaBAba bababababababABa *zooms in* 8gunshot* *duck drops* *wiggly noise*

AAURAUGHRAA I WAS MINDIN MY DI DI DII DI DI MY DI DI DII DI DI MY DI DI DII DI DI

oouoouuu :(((

*audience laughs*

the-ice-castle:

honestly, one of the best things about samurai jack is that subdued 30% of the show that consists of jack seeing the weirdest shit ever and just giving this tight, polite, yet vaguely pained look, like

i guess this is my life now

new yorker: excuse me “Dude”, how do i get to hollywood
californian: yeah dude jus take warner to the 405 north ‘n exit lakewood ‘n go past lb airport to get ontuh the 605, merge ontuh the 5 and make sure you stopped atta starbucks or some shit cause there’s mad fuckin traffic anyway keep goin and you’ll be on the 101 which isn’t bad unless it’s like a saturday cause tourists’re going to universal ‘n shit then find an exit once you see the hollywood sign oh and you should totally check out this place on melrose the food’s really good
new yorker: (sobbing) i don’t understand what you’re saying